Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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