smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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