do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
