omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
i think my cat just said my name.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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