it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
