So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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