And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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