I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
