Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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