nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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