When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize