2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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