i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
