I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
