all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
