I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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