I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Floor bacon is actually really good
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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