Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
