Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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