Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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