gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
