just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
