help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
