I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
