I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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