why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
