ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize