A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Green mimosas i think yes
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
