Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
