You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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