btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
