1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
