dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
