I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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