is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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