i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
