I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
