I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
