Little spoons don't ask big questions
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
