Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Pants are for mortals
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
