I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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