nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
