I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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