it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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