my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
