never play flip cup with pint glasses
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
