so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
