dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize