you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
