Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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