Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I believe in your delicious
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
