The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
