Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize