I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
