I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
