Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
