Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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