If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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