Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
