people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
