Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
