Sacagawea was the original milf.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
