your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
