I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
