After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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