girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
