I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
