Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
