Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
