he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
